soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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