If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
