I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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