he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your cock deserves a montage
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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