Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
