Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
