actually, I'm a sock model
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
