i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This house was built for laser tag.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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