somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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