Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
