She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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