the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i now understand why vodka
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
