Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry TheSheeva hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(352): View more from Florida

So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field

Fav 16 2905 912
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.

Fav 5 2482 821
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(856): View more from New Jersey

It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.

Fav 9 1750 4812
share tweet
(313): View more from Michigan

I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.

Fav 13 2022 2403
share tweet
(+61): View more from Australia

They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved

Fav 5 2177 790
share tweet
(720): View more from Colorado

I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.

Fav 5 763 1705
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(937): View more from Ohio

I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...

(1-937): View more from Ohio

I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.

Fav 3 560 782
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY

Fav 2 314 130
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(817): View more from Texas

The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.

Fav 0 61 16
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT