allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
