How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
