So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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