New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
