I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
