Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
