dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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