I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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