I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
they're like a gay fantastic four
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
