Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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