i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
