Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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