the condom got lost in my hair
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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