Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
