Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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