Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
