stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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