Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
