we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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