I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
