I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
