you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
