For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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