Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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