god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
