exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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