Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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