my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
