Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
