WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
