Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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