His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
