what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
