it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
