happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
