I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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