Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
